Hercules recs II: The tables turned

I've noticed that in Hercules fanfic, fanon tends to follow canon when it comes to hurt/comfort stories. Hercules is a demigod, and I don't think it's ever been established whether he is actually immortal or not. So when there's a hurt/comfort plot, Iolaus tends to be the one to get hurt, both in the series (dying four times in what has to be a Sidekick World Record, not to mention being struck by lightning and other indignities) and in fanfic, where the poor guy gets folded, spindled and mutilated beyond recognition.

I love hurt/comfort stories, but I also love to see Iolaus at his wily best, rather than his comatose worst. So here are some stories where the tables are turned, and Hercules is the one in need of rescue.

Norse by Norsewest Revisited, by Martha Wilson. Gen.
A short but delightful story that doubles as a sendup of the original 'Norse by Norsewest' episode, in which Hercules manages to get himself mixed up in the Götterdämmerung. In this story Hercules fights a frost giant and doesn't escape unscathed:

He tried to wake Hercules again, with no luck. Chafing his friend's cold flesh, trying to get his blood moving again, he pleaded, "Come on, Herc, you hate this place. You can't die here." He can't die here. Gods, what if he dies here? "You don't want to be stuck forever in Valhalla or whatever they call it. You'll go nuts."

The Price by Valentin. Slash, I/Ares, H/I implied, non-cons.
A 'missing scene' from the episode 'Mother of All Monsters'. Hercules is shot by Hephaestus' arrow, and Iolaus pulls it out. But what happens after that? I love the characterization of Iolaus in this story: brave to the point of feyness, clever, inventive, and willing to do whatever it takes to save Hercules.

Iolaus’ face was whiter than the demigod’s as he leaped to his feet and slammed Ares against the boulder in one swift movement. "Do something," he hissed through his teeth, gripping the collar of Ares’ jerkin in trembling hands.

Ares laughed incredulously. "Do something? I am doing something. I’m watching my bastard brother bleed to death, courtesy of the man he thought was his best friend."

Refiner's Fire by Melisande. Gen.
Long engrossing action-adventure story. Iolaus needs to get a wounded Hercules over a mountain pass, with help from Gabrielle. No mean task in itself, but there are some strange creatures in these mountains. I could easily see this story being filmed as an actual episode.

Augh! (Hercules fanfic rant)

In looking over old Hercules story archives for stories to rec, I stumbled upon some slash stories I will not be recommending. In fact, I feel like I need to rinse my eyeballs with bleach.

I'm talking Pallid Hunter. I'm talking about an Iolaus who dares to reprimand Hercules for lecturing him and then slinks away, worrying that he has 'made trouble'. An Iolaus who needs to be spanked to 'make up for it'. An Iolaus who...no, it's no good, I can't go on. It's not that I've never seen this stuff before, I'd just never seen such a concentration of it outside Sentinel fandom.

I will never, never, never understand the appeal of feminization, or infantilization (and that the two are at times so similar is subject for a whole other rant), or male pregnancy, or 'domestic discipline'. Ugh. Men behaving in ways that no woman should be proud of - how is this attractive? Men nagging, whining, crying, acting like spoiled co-dependent passive-aggressive add-your-own-buzzword teenagers - where's the sexy in that? Where's the thrill?

Yes, I will defend anyone's right to write it, no, I will not complain to or bother the author, I just want to rant here in my own space. Thank you. I feel better now.