marycrawford (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
marycrawford) wrote2006-01-19 06:51 pm
marycrawford) wrote2006-01-19 06:51 pm
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New Hercules story: Five Things That Never Happened to Iolaus of Thebes, part III
And another thing that never happened. This one's a bit shorter than the others.
Five Things That Never Happened to Iolaus of Thebes, part III.
Gen, rated PG-13 for some bad language.
(Part I)
(Part II)
(Part IV)
(Part V)
Five Things That Never Happened to Iolaus of Thebes
III.
The caves of Taenaros are cold and damp, and the stalactites' long shadows dance and leap in the flickering light of Iolaus' torch. It's been at least three days and Iolaus still hasn't reached the end of the caves. He's pretty sure that he's under the sea by now, but he doesn't want to think about all that weight of rock and water pressing down on him.
Iolaus doesn't want to think, period. He keeps moving, climbing over wet, slippery rock and twisting his body through narrow crevices. He doesn't even know if he's going in the right direction, but instinct tells him to go down, ever deeper, until he finds himself in Hades' realm. It's not like he can miss it, really; if he dies in these caves, he'll just get there sooner.
At the end of what may be the fourth day, his last torch gives out and he stumbles into a river. His boots soak through with the chill water, but he hardly notices, because he's staring at a swaying light in the distance. It's coming closer, nearly blinding him, and he blinks until his eyes adjust.
"Comin' through, comin' through," a harsh voice croaks, and Iolaus stares.
A ghostly boat slides toward him, rowed by what looks like a basilisk covered in mold and lichen until it lifts its head and looks at him. "Are you deaf?" Charon says, baring disgusting teeth to snarl at him. "Get outta my way, I got places to go, shades to deliver."
The boat slides closer, and Iolaus waits until its prow is within reach. Then he sets his hands on the bow like a bull dancer, pushes off with his feet, and vaults on board.
Charon drops his oar. "Hera's tits, what do you think you're doing? Get off my boat!"
Iolaus grins at him. "What, and capsize the boat? Very cold, this river." He shudders a little, not entirely for effect.
"Of course it's fucking cold, it's the river of fucking woe!" Charon says, splashing his oar in the water again with a roll of his eyes. "Hey, hang on, shades don't feel the cold-"
He narrows his eyes and peers at Iolaus. "Oh, great. I got a moldy knee, a boss who barely gives me the time of day, a job where even the stiffs try to stiff me, and now I got a live one in my fucking boat."
"Just get me over to the Elysian Fields," Iolaus says, "and I'll talk to your boss for you. I need to see him anyway, might as well put in a good word." He smiles his widest, most guileless smile.
Charon spits over the side with a noise like a hydra coughing up a hairball. "Yeah, right. The boss is going to kick your ass topside the moment he sees you. What in Tartarus - heh heh heh - are you doing here anyway? Trust me, eternity is long enough that you don't need a fucking preview."
Charon keeps rowing during his diatribe, so Iolaus sits down on the slimy bench. "Hercules," Iolaus said. It's hard even to say his name, right now, and he really doesn't want to elaborate. His vest is still stiff with Hercules' blood.
"Oh yeah? Hearda him. One of Zeus' bastards, am I right or am I right?" Iolaus doesn't answer. "Yeah, I'm right, he was in last week's deliveries. Arrow stuck right through him, size of a fucking tree. Friend of yours?"
Iolaus nods, staring out into the dimness.
"So what's the big idea here, you were busy eating lunch when he croaked and now you want to say you're sorry?" Charon smacks his lips. "Mmm. Maybe you were having some roast chicken, some lamb with garlic... Did you bring any food with you?"
"I'm going to bring him back," Iolaus says.
Charon's mouth drops open, and then he laughs until the caverns echo with it. "You and what undead fuckin' army?" He's stopped rowing again.
"Shut up," Iolaus says softly.
The boat wobbles as Iolaus stands up from his bench. Charon opens his mouth and closes it again, but he doesn't say anything when Iolaus takes his oar away from him and begins to row.
Five Things That Never Happened to Iolaus of Thebes, part III.
Gen, rated PG-13 for some bad language.
(Part I)
(Part II)
(Part IV)
(Part V)
Five Things That Never Happened to Iolaus of Thebes
III.
The caves of Taenaros are cold and damp, and the stalactites' long shadows dance and leap in the flickering light of Iolaus' torch. It's been at least three days and Iolaus still hasn't reached the end of the caves. He's pretty sure that he's under the sea by now, but he doesn't want to think about all that weight of rock and water pressing down on him.
Iolaus doesn't want to think, period. He keeps moving, climbing over wet, slippery rock and twisting his body through narrow crevices. He doesn't even know if he's going in the right direction, but instinct tells him to go down, ever deeper, until he finds himself in Hades' realm. It's not like he can miss it, really; if he dies in these caves, he'll just get there sooner.
At the end of what may be the fourth day, his last torch gives out and he stumbles into a river. His boots soak through with the chill water, but he hardly notices, because he's staring at a swaying light in the distance. It's coming closer, nearly blinding him, and he blinks until his eyes adjust.
"Comin' through, comin' through," a harsh voice croaks, and Iolaus stares.
A ghostly boat slides toward him, rowed by what looks like a basilisk covered in mold and lichen until it lifts its head and looks at him. "Are you deaf?" Charon says, baring disgusting teeth to snarl at him. "Get outta my way, I got places to go, shades to deliver."
The boat slides closer, and Iolaus waits until its prow is within reach. Then he sets his hands on the bow like a bull dancer, pushes off with his feet, and vaults on board.
Charon drops his oar. "Hera's tits, what do you think you're doing? Get off my boat!"
Iolaus grins at him. "What, and capsize the boat? Very cold, this river." He shudders a little, not entirely for effect.
"Of course it's fucking cold, it's the river of fucking woe!" Charon says, splashing his oar in the water again with a roll of his eyes. "Hey, hang on, shades don't feel the cold-"
He narrows his eyes and peers at Iolaus. "Oh, great. I got a moldy knee, a boss who barely gives me the time of day, a job where even the stiffs try to stiff me, and now I got a live one in my fucking boat."
"Just get me over to the Elysian Fields," Iolaus says, "and I'll talk to your boss for you. I need to see him anyway, might as well put in a good word." He smiles his widest, most guileless smile.
Charon spits over the side with a noise like a hydra coughing up a hairball. "Yeah, right. The boss is going to kick your ass topside the moment he sees you. What in Tartarus - heh heh heh - are you doing here anyway? Trust me, eternity is long enough that you don't need a fucking preview."
Charon keeps rowing during his diatribe, so Iolaus sits down on the slimy bench. "Hercules," Iolaus said. It's hard even to say his name, right now, and he really doesn't want to elaborate. His vest is still stiff with Hercules' blood.
"Oh yeah? Hearda him. One of Zeus' bastards, am I right or am I right?" Iolaus doesn't answer. "Yeah, I'm right, he was in last week's deliveries. Arrow stuck right through him, size of a fucking tree. Friend of yours?"
Iolaus nods, staring out into the dimness.
"So what's the big idea here, you were busy eating lunch when he croaked and now you want to say you're sorry?" Charon smacks his lips. "Mmm. Maybe you were having some roast chicken, some lamb with garlic... Did you bring any food with you?"
"I'm going to bring him back," Iolaus says.
Charon's mouth drops open, and then he laughs until the caverns echo with it. "You and what undead fuckin' army?" He's stopped rowing again.
"Shut up," Iolaus says softly.
The boat wobbles as Iolaus stands up from his bench. Charon opens his mouth and closes it again, but he doesn't say anything when Iolaus takes his oar away from him and begins to row.
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Great voice for Charon, too. I can hear him!
Lovely job indeed.
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I am in serious shortage of pissed off Iolaus icons, let me tell ya. *eg*
(I know. MacBeth. But!)
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Charon and Iolaus in the same fic? Always a good thing, methinks. And you can't have too much of a good thing. :-)
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Yay, for Snarky!Charon and DeterminedPissedOff!Iolaus.
Thanks. =)
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DeterminedPissedOff!Iolaus is definitely one of my favorite aspects of him. *g* Of Herc too, come to think of it...
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Barbara
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Barbara
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